


Royalty and role-play

by Im_too_tired_to_think_of_a_username



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Eridan Ampora/nepeta Leijon red romance, F/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Trolls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2020-10-28 22:57:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 16,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20786438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_too_tired_to_think_of_a_username/pseuds/Im_too_tired_to_think_of_a_username
Summary: After a pale breakup with feferi, Eridan looks for emotional help from the most qualified person he knows.





	1. A fitting title about breakups and such

**Author's Note:**

> Boom Eridan ♥️ nepeta fic if nobody's gonna make a fic I'll do it myself

\--caligulasAquarium has begun trolling cuttlefishCuller at 3:11 pm--

CA: fef are you there

CA: fef this is important 

CA: fef

CA: fine ill wwait but this is serious

CA: hurry up 

\--caligulasAquarium is now an idle troll!--

*~=----------=~*

Feferi skipped along the seafloor, carrying a large net with a few cuttlefish inside. She had been hoping to find more, to heal of potential injuries, or, if they weren't injured, to give a nice meal and keep in her room because they're so darn cute. She hefted the net she was carrying to look at and pet the three she had found. 

She sighed at the small number of fish. There were usually a lot more of them the last time, and she was worried her lusus had started inhaling them without noticing. She let out a soft giggle as one bumped her palm from inside the net. She could never stay mad at cuttlefish. In fact Feferi liked to think she couldn't stay mad at anyone.

A little while later, Feferi swam into her room, rubbing one of her eyes. She had been planning on taking a quick nap in her recuperacoon, but she noticed several unread messages from her moirail, and sighed. The nap would have to wait, and Eridan's emotional talks/rants/tantrums could last upward of three hours. Already feeling tired of his shit, she opened the chat.

CC: sig)(

CA: oh youre back

CA: i was about to start typin my problems into the vvoid of the chatbox

CA: took you long enough anywway

CA: you wwont believve wwhat vvriska said to me yesterday

CC: grooooaaaaaannnnn

CA: wwhat

CC: -Eridan, I'm upset as well.

CA: oh

CA: wwell uh

CA: misery lovves company i guess 

CA: do you wwanna complain about your thing when im done

CC: -Eridan, your complaining IS "my t)(ing"!

CA: wwhat

CA: fef thats kinda rude not gonna lie

CC: RRRRRRRRGHHGGGHHHHHH!!!!

CC: -ERIDAN I AM SICK AND TIRED OF )(AVING TO LISTEN TO -------EV--ERY SINGL-----------E ON-E OF YOUR W)(INY "wweh fef im so sad wweh" C)(ARG---EB---EAST S)(IT!!!

CA: wwoah wwheres all this comin from

CA: i thought you wwere supposed to be all zen and hippeish wwhered that fef go

CC: O)( my cod you're insufferable

CC: maybe I'll be all "zen and )(ippieis)(" w)(en I'm back from my nap. I DOUBT IT!!

CC: Goodbye, douc)(ebag.

\--cuttlefishCuller has ceased trolling caligulasAquarium at 3:28 pm--


	2. You can't reply to this conversation.

Eridan stared at his computer, shocked. Feferi was normally so nice. Where had that angry outburst come from? Was he really that infuriating? Were they still moirails? He anxiously kneaded his cape in his hands, then typed a nervous message into the chatbox.

CA: wwait fef

\--cuttlefishCuller is offline!--

CA: fef please I'm sorry if i made you mad

\--cuttlefishCuller is offline!--

CA: i didnt mean to upset you 

\--cuttlefishCuller is offline!--

CA: stupid fuckin auto reply

\--cuttlefishCuller is offline!--

CA: fef please

\--cuttlefishCuller is offline!--

CA: are wwe still moirails?

\--cuttlefishCuller is offline!--

Eridan bobbed up and down in his seat as he waited for Feferi's response. His head lowered slightly, then shot up as Feferi's status switched from "offline" to "online"

Eridan held his breath as he looked at the "cuttlefishCuller is typing..." Message...

...

\--cuttlefishCuller has blocked caligulasAquarium at 3:47 pm--

Eridan continued staring at the screen for a while after that, his thoughts a swirling mess. Eventually, he stood up, somewhat jerkily, and shuffled off to his recuperacoon.

*~=----------=~*

\--centaursTesticle has begun trolling arsenicCatnip at 11:33 am--

CT: D--> nepeta

CT: D--> I have an e%cellent update for your wall of ships

CT: D--> and by e%cellent I mean unfortunate

AC: :33< *nepeta nuzzles up to Equius to compurrt him in case the unfurtunate news makes him sad and then looks up questioningly*

CT: D--> this roleplaying is 100dicrus

CT: D--> you'll stop

AC: :33< no, it's fun!

AC: :33< *she says*

CT: D--> you will stop

AC: :33< no

CT: D--> yes

AC: :33< no

CT: D--> yes

AC: :33< no

CT: D--> yes

AC: :33< no

CT: D--> yes

AC: :33< ugh, fine!

AC: :33< what's the mews?

AC: :33< tell me tell me tell m33333333!

CT: D--> calm down

CT: D--> it's about the violetb100d

AC: :33< eridan?

CT: D--> yes.

CT: D--> now shush

CT: D--> he and the fusciab100d empress are no longer romantic partners

CT: D--> you'll want to remove them from your wall

AC: :33< awww 

AC: :33< they were one of my longest lasting ships.

AC: :33< fuckin meower couple if ive efur s33n one

CT: D--> stop this 100d language at once

AC: :33< no

CT: D--> yes

AC: :33< no

CT: D--> yes

AC: :33< fine 

AC: :33< how are they doing, by the way?

CT: D--> the fusciab100d seems a lot less stressed

CT: D--> she says she feels e%cellent lately

AC: :33< purrfect!

AC: :33< what about mr ampurra?

CT: D--> I'm not sure

CT: D--> no one's heard from him since they stopped seeing each other

AC: :33< hmm...

AC: :33< well I hope he f33ls ok

CT: D--> I'll tell him if he asks

AC: :33< okay, s33 you later!

\--arsenicCatnip has ceased trolling centaursTesticle at 12:13 pm


	3. An unexpected guest

Nepeta sat on the floor, squinting at a large mural on the wall, depicting the four romantic quadrants and many ships between her friends filling in the empty space. Occasionally she'd scrunch up her face, dab her fingers in a bowl of Nut Creature blood, and write a note, like ":33< likely?" or ":33< sadly not pawssible". She sighed and wiped her forearm across her forehead, getting a streak of blood in her hair, and stood up. ":33< Pounce, do we have anything to eat?" She stood for a minute, waiting, before slapping her forehead. Of course her lusus wasn't home, she was out hunting! Nepeta mentally slapped herself, then walked over to the thermal hull to see what she had. Inside were some dry purrbeast food, some dead rodents, a small bag at the very back labeled "Nep's Nip ;33", which nepeta had turned over so no one could read the label, and a box of fresh fish in ice. Nepeta licked her lips and reached for a f-

Without warning, she froze. Her ears twitched, listening for something.

Footsteps. Not pounce's. They were too heavy and shuffle-y.

Quickly, and with the practiced agility that comes from doing the same thing a thousand times, she jumped up onto the counter, lunged from the top of the fridge to a small ledge of rock, which she used as a sort of springboard to bounce to a small rocky loft over the door to her cave. She once again stood stock-still, making sure to be completely silent. Hopefully whatever it was wouldn't hear her and leave.

Quiet...

...

it sounded like she was in the cleaSLAM.

The door of her thermal hull swung closed so hard that the bowl of blood on the floor rattled. Nepeta was sure she was caught, the thing was making it's way toward her door now. Surely it would break it down. Nepeta would obviously put up a strong fight, but she wasn't sure she could outlast whatever it was.

Knock knock.

"Hello? Is this N-uh... Nnnnnepaww... Nepeta? ...'s house... cavve... wwhatevverdealie?"

Nepeta relaxed immediately. She knew Eridan! He was... Actually he was pretty agressive, she should probably still not answer.

"I knoww you're there, I heard a door close. It's common decency to answwer you knoww, or maybe that's just highblood class and the lowwbloods don't knoww to properly..."

Oh god. Nepeta had only heard whispers of his long, irrelevant tangents. She dropped down to open the door before he started rambling about his dumb gun.

"Oh you are here." He said it in a casual tone, but Nepeta could tell that he hadn't been faring well recently. His eyes had bags under them, and his slender figure was hunched slightly over. He had such a weariness to him that Nepeta felt pity for him, until she remembered that he was currently calling her a "moldblood" to her face. 

":33< So meow's fefurry doing?" Nepeta said. Eridan instantly froze, shut down completely in under a second. Nepeta gave a slight smirk and said ":33< close the door on your way in" before walking back into the part of the cave she thought of as the living room.

After a minute, Eridan walked into the room, an irked expression on his face. "I hope you knoww you wwere being vvery rude. I demand an apology."

Sigh. ":33< I apawlogize for bringing up your breakup with fefurry. It won't happen again." she said in a monotone.

Eridan relaxed. "Apology accepted. Although erm..." He flushed and looked down. "The breakup is actually wwhat I came to talk about...?"

What? Eridan, coming to someone about his feelings instead of keeping it bottled up and lashing out randomly? This was unprecedented. Nepeta looked at him, confused. ":33< why'd you come to me? You don't even know how to purrnounce my name!"

"The uh... The swweaty guy said you hoped I felt better and that uh... You were good with emotions.....?"

Jeez. One compliment and he was at her door wanting to talk about love and stuff? Nepeta brought up a mental profile of people who did things like that and realized that since it was Eridan she was talking about, she really shouldn't be surprised.

":33< Well uh... Welcome to my cave I guess. Uh... The kitchen's over there and, uh, this is the living room..."

"Mhm. Yep." Eridan said, his face the epitome of indifference.

":33< Um... That's my shipping wall..."

"Oh?" Eridan quickly turned his head to look at the group of pairings between all her friends. This was the first thing he seemed genuinely excited about since... Ever, Nepeta guessed.

":33< Yes. That's my shipping wall," Nepeta reaffirmed. ":33< all pairings between my friends are there, plus some that I hope will happen or, like, people who would make good couples..."

"Yeah, mhmm, cool." Eridan tried to look bored, but was bouncing up and down on his toes and not hiding his enthusiasm well at all.

":33< ok then, have a seat, I'll be right back with snacks." Nepeta left to look back in her fridge. Eridan probably wouldn't like dead rodents or dry cat food, catnip was fun but had no nutritional value, as far as Nepeta could tell, and offering fish to a seadweller might be seen as racist.

Out of the corner of her eye, Nepeta saw Eridan eagerly examining her shipping wall, looking like he was searching for something. His smile faltered after a while, and left completely when he saw his and Feferi"s match scribbled out near the bottom of the moirails quadrant. He sighed and slumped back on the couch to sulk.

Nepeta frowned. He was a douchebag sure, but Nepeta could see he was just sad. She thought of things she could do to cheer him up until something clicked in the back of her head. 

In a flash, Nepeta climbed on top of her thermal hill and crouched, preparing to pounce.

"Wwh- wwhy are you on top of you-"

Nepeta jumped, bounced off the ledge, narrowly missing Eridan's head, and landed in the loft over her door.

"jeEEEGUS!" Eridan fell back into the floor, panting.

":33< I'm out of food." Nepeta said, grabbing her Action Claws from the floor of the loft. ":33< do you wanna go hunting?"

Eridan blinked, grinned, and pulled his gun from his strife specibus.


	4. Many things do not go according to plan

Nepeta prowled along through the underbrush on all fours, claws extended and barkbeast carcass hefted over her back. Her eyes found her prey, a fearsome cholerbear. It didn't notice her, and she intended to keep it that way, until the time was right, and everything was going according to plan.

...

...

...

Nepeta had to be patient. Waiting took up the majority of the time it took to hunt, and the plan required a lot of waiting.

But soon enough...

*~=----------=~*

The plan was this: Nepeta would stalk the cholerbear while Eridan found a vantage point and prepared his rifle. Nepeta would drag the dead barkbeast behind her with a long rope, climbing up to a ledge and dangling it like a worm on a fishhook. Eridan would shoot the cholerbear, and they'd have free steak for like, two weeks. As long as nothing went wrong, they'd be fine.

*~=----------=~*

Eridan wandered through the woods, grumbling to himself. This was bullshit, he thought. He hunted animals far larger than this on a regular basis, a cholerbear would be a walk in the park. The hunt was dumb, the plan was dumb, everything about this was dumb. 

Eridan repeated those thoughts and similar ones in his head until he reached the ledge overlooking the woods that Nepeta had described. He looked out over the forest, thinking to himself, "wwell, at least the vviewws not too bad." A screechbird flew from a tree somewhere, and a majestic roar echoed through the area. Eridan took it all in, then knelt down and prepared his rifle. He made a series of hoots and chirps, the signal they had agreed upon, then looked through his scope, prepared to fire.

*~=----------=~*

Oh fuck, this was bad.

Nepeta held her breath, cursing herself mentally but not daring to out loud. She had fucked up, big-time, and now the cholerbear was headed her way.

Nepeta had gotten tunnel vision, and neglected to focus on where she was headed in favor of watching prey. She had stumbled on a ledge, not even four inches tall, that had sent her and the barkbeast-bait crashing into a bush. She couldn't tell if the leaves that had fallen on her were enough to camofluage her, but she was about to find out.

She crouched, frozen, afraid to turn her head in case it alerted the beast. Not even breathing, she waited...

Suddenly, the bush she was hiding behind was ripped out from behind her. She whirled around to face the cholerbear, the corpse knocking into a tree and startling a screechbird from its nest. She screamed, but it was drowned out by the roar of the beast.

Nepeta quickly turned and ran in the direction of the spot she and Eridan had agreed upon. The cholerbear would be under less control now, but Eridan should still be able to line up a decent shot. She heard a series of hoots and chirps, signalling that Eridan was ready to fire. She hoped he'd be able to improvise.

*~=----------=~*

Eridan focused on the path of shaking trees moving toward the clearing he stood over. He was concerned. What with the length of the rope, and the speed at which the cholerbear seemed to be moving, Nepeta should have been in view by now. Maybe the beast had gotten frightened by something? Yes, that must be it. He closed one eye and prepared to fire as soon as it came out of the woods.

A dark shadow crashed into the clearing. Eridan squeezed the trigger, realizing a moment too late that it was Nepeta he was looking at. He jerked the rifle to one side, thankfully avoiding Nepeta but obliterating the ledge she was supposed to dangle the bait from.

"Oh shit." He said, focusing once again on the clearing. The barkbeast corpse was lying on the ground, it's rope cut, the cholerbear was running toward the base of the cliff Eridan was stationed on, a large cut on it's side, and Nepeta was nowhere to be seen. Eridan lowered his scope to look for her anywhere in the clearing.

At this point, a few things happened at once. Nepeta, having parkoured herself up the cliff face, reached up to grab hold of Eridan's hand. Eridan, not expecting this, jerked back, causing Nepeta to close her hand over his gun's barrel instead. Eridan accidentally fired, turning the center of the clearing into a smoking crater. He and Nepeta fell off the ledge. Eridan fell clumsily into a patch of bushes, Nepeta hit the ground at an angle and rolled into a crouching position, and Eridan's gun clattered into the crater.

Eridan let out a groan and rubbed his head, a splotch of violet blood coming away on his fingers. He stumbled to his feet, looked around, and realized the cholerbear was looking right at him, only a few meters from where he stood. He screamed and began to run as fast as he could through the clearing and away from the beast.

The bear gave chase, and was closing the distance rapidly. Eridan screamed louder, tried to quickly change direction, caught his foot on his cape, tripped, and rolled to a stop. 

A shadow looked over him, and he whimpered. He was defenseless and weak. He had no weapons, and his blood caste couldn't save him from an animal with no concept of royalty. The cholerbear roared and reared its paw back, prepared to strike when suddenly out of nowhere, a high-pitched whine and blast echoed throughout the valley. A beam of bright, slightly blue-tinted light turned the beast's head and shoulders into ash, which blew away quickly in the force eminating from wherever the beam was being fired from. The corpse fell onto Eridan, dousing him in teal blood.

":33< holy shit! That was ameowzing!"

Nepeta ran over to Eridan, holding his gun and positively beaming. ":33< I don't think we even have to cook it! It's burned completely through!" She examined the corpse for a moment then turned to Eridan. ":33< are mew okay? You look terrified!"

Eridan gawked at her for a moment. The way she stood, one hand on her hip, looking down at him wide-eyed, the bright pink moon setting behind her like a halo... He was transfixed for a moment, before he snapped out of it.

"Err- uh, yeah. I'm fine no problems here, heh heh...

":33< Really? Beclaws you're bleeding. Quite a lot actually."

Eridan looked down. There was a large gash on his arm, and he hadn't noticed until Nepeta pointed it out. He didn't know when it had happened, but it hurt like hell.

"Oh. Maybe not." He winced. "I don't think I'll be able to carry this fat fuck." He jerked his thumb at the cholerbear, then winced as the movement caused more pain in his arm.

":33< Pounce always keeps medical supplies back at the hive. Let's get you back there, we'll come back for him later." She helped Eridan to his feet, and they began to limp back to the cave. Eridan blushed slightly. Nepeta had just saved his life, and was beginning to see her in a whole new light.


	5. Oh boy sleepover I wonder if romantic stuff will happen OwO (there's no sex or anything but uhhhhhhhh)

\--caligulasAquarium began trolling caligulasAquarium at 6:12 am--

CA: hey im sending this to myself but I knoww youll see it cause i left my huktop open

CA: i mean you as in my lusus if youre anyone else wwhat the fuck are you doin in my hivve

CA: i just wwanted to let you knoww that ill be sleepin ovver at neps place 

CA: its a long story wwhy but i hurt my arm so i gotta rest apparently

CA: but the suns comin up so i gotta go to sleep

CA: so yeah later

\--caligulasAquarium has ceased trolling caligulasAquarium at 6:21 am--

*~=----------=~* 

"Oww! Are you sure its not on too tight?"

Eridan gently rubbed his arm as Nepeta cut the bandage to the proper length.

":33< yes, now hush! You don't want to lose any meowre blood than you already have."

"Yeah yeah." he said, huffing indignantly. "The stuffs probably vvaluable you knoww. You could bottle and sell it and get quite a boost to your lowwblood savvins."

":33< that's true, but I'd also probably get executed for probable muwurder of royalty." she said, gently lowering his arm onto his stomach, then walking into the kitchen.

"Oh yeah. Wwell uh... Yeah ok." He lay back on the couch, stared at the ceiling for a moment, then tilted his head up when he heard Nepeta walk back into the room.

":33< so, when do you wanna head to my recuperacoon?"

"Wwh- huh?" Eridan blushed and furrowed his eyebrows. "Wwhat do you mean!?"

She tilted her head, puzzled. ":33< the recuperacoon. It'll heal your arm quicker."

"O- ohhhhh yeah right totally." He swallowed. "Wwhat about you though? It's yours. And you'll havve the nightmares."

":33< eh. I've had expurrience staying up all day, it shouldn't be too hard. Besides, silly, I'm a hunter. I can fight em off!" She said it with a casual air, but Eridan heard a slight crack in her voice and shift in her demeanor.

"It's really no trouble, I'm already on the couch anywways."

":33< hmmm... Okay, but if you have any trouble just call, I'll be here in a jyiffy!"

"Thanks. It's much appreciated."

:33< no pawblem." She sat down next to where Eridan's feet were propped up on the couch. ":33< wanna watch a mewvie or something? I have a few..." She listed off a few absurdly long titles, all either romances or monster movies, a couple that were both, and, inexplicably, the full third season of troll The Office, which is what they eventually agreed on. After a few episodes, Nepeta was yawning and Eridan looked about ready to pass out.

":33< well, that was fun, but I'm going to sleep. Holler if you need anything!" She gave a little wave, then jumped up to a higher part of the cave, leaving Eridan staring after her. After a few minutes, he was out cold.

*~=----------=~*

\--arsenicCatnip has begun trolling centaursTesticle at 7:12 am--

AC: :33< *shakes Equius awake in a concerned way*

CT: D--> What

CT: D--> Nepeta, why are you messaging me at this hour

CT: D--> are you in danger?

CT: D--> do you need prote%ion from the sun

CT: D--> send me your location, I will leave at once.

AC: :33< calm down, I'm fine!

AC: :33< I'm worried about Eridan, though.

CT: D--> the depressed violetb100d?

AC: :33< yeah, hes injured.

CT: D--> oh dear

CT: D--> that is certainly a predicament

AC: :33< he should be fine, he's resting on my couch now.

CT: D--> what

CT: D--> why did you not inform me of his arrival

CT: D--> he's unstable, he could be e%tremely dangerous.

AC: :33< relax, he's not angrry.

AC: :33< he's just kind of

AC: :33< sad

AC: :33< I kind of want to help him.

CT: D--> okay well

CT: D--> I will allow you to help him in whatever capacity you wish

CT: D--> but if he tries to hurt you alert me and I will be there at once

AC: :33< yeah, yeah

CT: D--> now go to sleep, it's too early.

\--centaursTesticle has ceased trolling arsenicCatnip at 7:22 am--

*~=----------=~*

Nepeta snuck through her hive, sticking to the shadows. The light of the sunrise made the whole cave brighter, not to a dangerous level but enough that she had to squint. She was hoping to get a midmorning snack- she hadn't gotten to eat that fish, after all- but she spied Eridan in the living room.

His teeth were clenched in a worried expression, his eyes still closed in a deep sleep. He tossed and turned on the couch, letting out the occasional whimper or groan whenever he landed on his bandaged arm. He was mumbling, a call for help.

Nepeta looked on, concerned. She had fallen asleep outside of her recuperacoon before, and she knew it wasn't pleasant. Plus, Eridan had a hurt arm, which could only be hurting him more. She stood up straighter, making up her mind to being him to her recuperacoon so that he could rest and heal.

She tiptoed over and tried to comfort Eridan while he slept. She knew she wouldn't be able to carry him if he was struggling, but she also just didn't like to see him upset like this. She ran her hand over his forehead, whispering words of comfort to him.

"Guh... Nnnnooooo..." He moaned, no longer struggling and now assuming a fetal position.

":33< it's ok, I'm here... Shhhhhhh......" she whispered while sliding her hands under him. With a grunt, she lifted him up, stumbling a little bit under his weight. His lanky form was not easy to carry, though Nepeta, athletic as she was, was able to lift him with only minor tripping and swearing. Eridan sensed the imbalance in his sleep or something, and clung onto her shoulders. 

Nepeta stumbled back, surprised. Eridan was holding on tightly, like if he let go he'd fall, which was true, Nepeta supposed, but not nearly nas dangerous as the strength of his grip called for. His breathing had gotten steadier in her grasp, and if his head wasn't lolling back, their faces would be so close their noses would touch. Nepeta blushed slightly at the thought.

She wrapped her arms around Eridan's back for support and walked clumsily through the cave. She was normally much more agile, but Eridan was throwing her off balance. A walk through the kitchen and up a flight of stairs later, they were at her recuperacoon. This would be the really tricky part.

Eridan's breathing was still a little off, and he would occasionally twitch or spasm in his sleep. Manoeuvering him into the small hole in the top of the recuperacoon would not be easy. Nepeta would have to get him to let go of her, and then get him into a position where he would easily be able to slide into the green sopor slime.

Nepeta rolled up her figurative sleeves and hooked her foot around the leg of a chair, dragging it to the edge of the recuperacoon. Putting her leg on top, she hefted her guest up and onto the topside of the pod-shaped furnishing. Here she stopped to think. How was she going to get him in without hurting him or waking him up? 

She could fit his torso and legs under the lip of the pod, and sort of... scrape him off? Maybe? She decided against it, it just seemed... Unprofessional. She could drop him in in a standing position, possibly...

At this point Eridan's grip became less of a 'holding-on-for-dear-life' kind of grip and more of a 'tender-embrace' kind of grip. He must have been dreaming about something new. Eridan had been mumbling things like "noooooo......" and "help... Please...." into Nepeta's ear for the better part of the walk to her room, but now they became less whimpery, less scared.

"Nep..... You savved me......"

Nepeta blushed. She was flattered that Eridan was dreaming about her, even if it was some kind of nightmare for him. "Thank you....." he mumbled. Nepeta smiled, slightly embarrassed. She could definitely hear a... well, a romantic undertone to his voice.

She looked again at the entrance to the recuperacoon, thinking. After a moment, she sat down on the edge of the lip of the pod, Eridan still hanging on tight, and slid in, landing with a goopy splash. She then lay down on her side, so that Eridan faced her, and wrapped her arms around him in a cuddle. She yawned, and her eyelids drooped...


	6. Make her a member of the steak crew

Eridan opened his eyes, groaning as he sat up. He blinked, trying to recall a strange dream he had. It started out as the usual nightmares of violence and horror that trolls get when outside of their recuperacoons, but then Nepeta had showed up. She had crouched over him, sort of shielding him from the attackers, while whispering words of comfort to him. After a while, the invaders just... disappeared. Eridan had thanked her for saving him, and then....

Eridan groaned. The dream had slipped away, now all he could remember was that it had started out bad, and gotten a lot better. He sat up, and realized that he was no longer on the couch, and instead half-submerged in bright green slime. He looked around, making sure he wasn't sort of dream-hallucinating. How the hell had he gotten here?

He poked his head out of the recuperacoon and got his first look at Nepeta's room. There was a table with a drawing tablet and some assorted pieces of paper that were covered in doodles and quadrant symbols. A few movie posters were on the walls, some of which he recognized from the ones Nepeta had suggested last night, and in the corner, a large cat bed covered in white fur.

At this point, Eridan sniffed. A delicious aroma had wafted into the room, filling it with the smell of frying meat. Drawn by the smell, he climbed out of the recuperacoon and walked down the stairs.

In the kitchen, Nepeta was standing in front of a large campfire with a pan over it. A huge slab of cholerbear steak was hissing on the pan, and Nepeta was lifting the edge of it up with a stick to see if it was cooked all the way through.

"Hey," Eridan said, slightly uncertain.

":33< Good evening!" Nepeta waved flashing Eridan a smile that made his heart flutter. ":33< did mew sleep well?"

"Did wwh- oh! Yeah, yeah I slept fine. Did-" he looked back up the stairs to Nepeta's room. "Howw did I get up to your recuperacoon?"

":33< ummmm..." She blushed very slightly. ":33< maybe you got up and you just don't remember...?" she said, scratching the back of her head.

"Yeah... Maybe..." Eridan could tell something was off, but he wouldn't pry for now. "Wwhen did you bring that in?" He said, pointing to the steak over the fire. "Did you wake up early?"

At this, she snickered. ":33< more like you woke up late. It's almost midnight!"

"Wwhoa, fuck! Normally I never get up this late." He hunched over anxiously a little bit.

":33< well there's nothing wrong with it. Efurryone should have some time to relax, especially if they have a broken arm."

"Yeah, I guess..." He stood up a little straighter, bit Nepeta noticed he was still kneading his hands together behind his back.

":33< anyway, the steaks almeowst ready. Can you clear the mewvies off the table?"

"Yeah, no problem." Eridan moved to the table, dropping them into a cardboard box full of DVD cases. One caught his eye, a romance featuring a violetblood and a lowblood of unidentifiable caste kissing in front of a red heart. It wasn't significant at all, but Eridan felt he should take notice.

Once all the discs were cleared, Nepeta dragged the pan with the steak on it over, and flipped it onto the table with Eridan's help. 

"So... Howw are wwe gonna get this onto our plates?" Eridan asked, still panting slightly from having to lift the massive slab of meat.

":33< I was thinking maybe we could just eat off the same one?" She prodded the steak with her knife. ":33< it took me an hour to cut this off the bear, and I lost a really good knife too."

"Maybe we could get Kanaya ovver here wwith her chainsaww." Eridan joked.

":33< haha, yeah. We'd pawbably have to pay her or something though."

"Wwould she accept meat as currency? Wwe certainly havve enough to spare.

Nepeta snickered. ":33< maybe we should start a meat empire! We'd have controwol over all the meat. We'd be rich, I tell you! Rich!"

At this point there was an awkward moment of silence before they made eye contact. With one "snrk-" from Eridan, they both broke down laughing.

":33< hahahaha- b-boss! Dose guys from da Bacon Kings have sent deir goons ta bust open our steak vault!"

"Pffffffff- th- T-bone Louuie! Get all the thugs dowwn dere! Wwe need all da manpowwer wwe can get our hands on!"

":33< on it boss! Hahahaha!"

A while later, a portion of the steak was gone, Eridan and Nepeta were both feeling stuffed, and a fictional meat-based crime empire had risen and fallen.

"T-bone Louie..." Eridan said, in a voice that was overly dramatic, even for him. "You wwas my best pal..."

":33< give em hell boss... For me." Nepeta put a hand to her head, then collapsed to the floor, bugging out her eyes and letting her tounge flop out of her mouth. ":33< bleeeeeehhhh."

"Daaaaammmnn yoooouuuu Baaacccoooonnn Kiiiinnnngggssssss!!!!!" At this, Eridan shook his fist at the sky, then pretended to sob.

":33< aaaaaand scene." Nepeta propped herself up to a crouch, then stumbled to her feet. ":33< oof. Man, we really ate a lot of steak."

"Honestly though? It wwas wworth it."

":33< yeah." She sat down on the couch next to Eridan. ":33< I gotta be pawnest, that was probably one of the best impromptu RP sessions I've don't in a while."

"Heh, yeah." Eridan hadn't actually even registered that as roleplay, more like a really elaborate in-joke. Nonetheless, he had really enjoyed it. "Wwe should do somethin like this again sometime."

";33< oh absolutely." Nepeta giggled. ":33< it was really fun. Maybe you should come for another sleepover sometime. You can bring that monster mewvie you suggested..." At this, Eridan snorted, remembering last night when he had recommended one of his favorite movies, only to mess up the title and be teased mercilessly.

"You knoww wwhat, I am going to bring the wworst movvie I can find just to get revvenge on you for that."

":33< I look forward to my eventual torment", she said in a mock 'fancy voice' adding an over-the-top bow at the end for good measure.

"Indubitably." Eridan replied, bowing low enough that his cape fluttered over his head. When he stood back up, he spent about five seconds too long trying to untangle it from his horns.

":33< h33h33!" Nepeta lifted the cape up to flip it over his head, but Eridan jerked his head back trying to yank it off, and Nepeta stumbled forward, bumping into him and sending them both tumbling to the floor.

":33< ooof!"

"Oww!"

Eridan squinted for a moment, dazed slightly from hitting his head on the floor. Nepeta was over him, straddling his stomach and rubbing her head. She glanced down, made eye contact, and started blushing profusely.

":33< ehmm..."

"Hehhhh..."

Eridan clumsily slid himself out from under Nepeta while she stood up, both of them averting eye contact, glancing up to see if the other was still looking, making eye contact again, and blushing even harder before looking away again.

"Soooooo... I should probably go if I wwant to uhhh..."

":33< get back befur the sun, yeah." She laughed nervously. ":33< do you want some steak for the road or...

Eridan made a stammering noise, trying to decide between being polite and taking the meat or leaving the awkward situation as soon as possible. "No, I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine!"

":33< are mew sure?" She cringed, realizing that everything she was doing was just making it even more uncomfortable.

"Wwell.... I suppose I can take a little bit, hehehhuuuuugh..."

":33< i mean you don't have to if you don't want to..."

*~=----------=~*

After the meat was distributed and Eridan had been sent on his way, Nepeta slumped on the couch. Pounce had returned a little after Eridan had left, and was licking her paws next to Nepeta as she sat.

She was looking at the cover of a movie. Earlier that morning, she had pulled it out before she went to get the steak and before Eridan had woken up. Noticing it in the box, she had taken it out, examining it for some reason she couldn't quite think of. But now, as she stared at the cover some more, she was beginning to realize.

Chewing her lip, she imagined Eridan as the attractive seadweller on the cover. Eridan was dorky, and kind of a douche on the surface, but he did have a certain... nerdy charm to him. She lay back, letting herself lean against the back of the couch, and held the DVD case over her. She couldn't help but picture herself and Eridan as the couple kissing on the cover.

She sighed. Maybe she needed sleep to clear her head, the sun was going to come up soon, after all. As she walked off to her room, she thought that tomorrow, she would figure all this stuff out.

Afterwards, she thought, maybe she could message Eridan and catch up.


	7. J

\--caligulasAquarium has begun trolling caligulasAquarium at 5:56 pm--

CA: -ERIDAN!!!!

CA: T)(is is feferi on your )(usktop W)(-----ER----E AR-------------E YOU!?

CA: w)(y are you at Nepeta's )(ive

CA: COM----E BACK ASAP Gl'bgolyb's getting)(ungry

CA: ---------ERIDAN T)(IS IS IMPORTANT!!!

CA: if you're ignoring me because of our argument we can talk about it later but now you need to )(---ELP G-----ET MY LUSUS FOOD!

CA: )(URRY!!!!!

*~=----------=~*

Eridan arrived back at his hive. His head had been in the clouds the whole trip home, and he was looking forward to resting. Stepping onto the small island where his hive was, he noticed something peculiar. A trail of footprints led from the water to the entrance to his hive. It seemed he had an intruder.

Drawing his rifle from his strife specibus, he crept closer. Through the slightly open door, he heard a worried whimpering, and a frantic typing noise. Quick as a flash, he jumped through the door and held up his gun, prepared to fire.

"Wh- AAAAAAGG)()()()()()()()(!!!!"

"Wwha- feferi!?"

Eridan lowered his weapon, a confused expression on his face. "Wwhat the hell are you doin in my hive!?"

"--Eridan, gl'bgolyb's really )(ungry! I'm sorry, I )(ad to contact you, s)(e might start culling trolls soon!" She wrung her hands, panic in her face.

"Alright, jeez, I'll help. Howw urgent is it?"

"It's bad. I've )(ad to resort to feeding )(er big bags of smaller fis)( to keep her full enoug)(."

"Hmm..." He considered for a moment, groaning. "Fine, I'll get the saddle for my lusus and start hunting." He opened his sylladex and reached for the card containing his saddle, only to trip, fall, and eject all his cards around his room. His gun misfired and blasted one of his windows open, a spare cape fluttered down to land on his computer, and half of the cholerbear he had helped kill was jettisoned directly onto his recuperacoon, splattering blood everywhere.

"Oh, shit!"

"A)()(!"

Feferi flinched, then looked at the cholerbear corpse lying on the recuperacoon.

"O)(, t)(is is P-ERF----ECT! T)(anks -Eridan!"

In a flash, she captchalouged the bear and was out the door, on her way to the deep waters where her lusus slept.

"No, wwait!" he said, but Feferi was already gone. "That wwas a gift..." He walked to the edge of the beach and looked down into the water, but she was already too deep to be seen. He let out a dramatic, anguished sigh, then grumbled all the way back to his hive.

"Breaks up wwith me then takes my property... No respect for privvacy... Didn't evven ask before taking..."

He was still fuming when he climbed into his recuperacoon. Taking off his glasses, he slumped into the slime, already beginning to drift off.

"Her stupid lusus that needs to eat all the fuckin time... Her dumb obsession wwith cuttlefish... Her ugly black swwimsuit... Her big eyes... Her short hair... That ovversized green jacket... The blue tail and hat she alwways wwears... Her cute giggle... Her agility wwith those clawws..."

As his thoughts drifted from one troll to the other, his frown changed to a deep smile as he began to snore.


	8. A constant across all universes is that Foodfight (2012) is the worst movie ever created

\--centaursTesticle has begun trolling cuttlefishCuller at 3:00 am--

CT: D--> may I inquire as to why you did not arrive to Nepeta's movie night yesterday?

CC: look, I just didn't want to okay? 

CT: D--> apologies, I did not realize it was a sore subject.

CT: D--> I assume it is because you did not want to see the violetb100d?

CC: ...

CC: yea)( 38(

CT: D--> I see

CT: D--> but I was under the impression that you were still moirails?

CC: we are...

CC: but it's dicey. We only interact enoug)( for me to stop )(im from trying to cull all t)(e landdwellers, and for )(im to supply me with food for my lusus. Ot)(erwise we try to ignore eac)(other as muc)( as possible.

CC: I'm )(onestly sick of it.

CT: D--> that does seem...

CT: D--> e%tremely rocky, as a relationship.

CT: D--> although, if you learned how to hunt, enough to keep your lusus at bay, you would not need Eridan, correct?

CC: yes, but )(ed still need me to keep )(im from attempting to genocide everyone with a blood caste of purple or lower 38(

CT: D--> hmm...

*~=----------=~*

Knock knock knock. A sharp tap came from the door.

"Nep! I'm here!"

Nepeta perked up, a grin on her face.

":33< it's unlocked!"

The door creaked open and Eridan walked in, holding something behind his back.

"Nep! Great to see you!"

":33< good evening, Eridan. I hope you brought an excellent film for our enjoyment tonight?"

"Only the best." He said with a sarcastic smile. Turning around, he closed the door and turned the lock as far as it would go.

"You shouldn't leavve your door unlocked like that, Nep. You're vvulnerable to bandits, or wwild animals, or-"

Nepeta kept smiling, but dropped her voice to a whisper.

":33< he's already here. There's no powoint."

"Shit."

In answer to the question that you, the reader, almost certainly asked in your head, ('who is "he"' if you didn't ask), Equius walked into the room carrying a bowl of popcorn.

"D--> ah, I see the violetb100d has joined us." he said with a hint of distaste in his voice. "D--> I wasn't e%pecting you, I'll go e%plode some more buttered kernels." He turned to look at Nepeta. "D--> Nepeta, can you join me in the kitchen for a moment?"

":33< sure thing!" She said, a slight growl in her voice. ":33< I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere!" she said playfully to Eridan before following Equius into the kitchen.

":33< what the hell, Equius!" she said as soon as she was sure Eridan was out of earshot. ":33< you knew he was coming, why didn't you make enough kernels!?"

"D--> I'm sorry, I was hoping he would forget."

Nepeta groaned. Ever since she had told Equius that she was beginning to think of Eridan in a more... romantic way, he'd been getting in her way and trying to prevent them from seeing each other. He had already hijacked their movie nights, and Feferi had mentioned him telling her to get Eridan to spend more time at home, rather than "D--> out taking advantage of innocent lowb100ds."

":33< Equius, please, just quit it, okay? You're making both of us want to skip mewvie nights."

"D--> well then I'm doing my job well." Nepeta rolled her eyes. "D--> Nepeta, this is what I'm supposed to do! As your moirail, I need to protect you from making bad decisions!"

":33< No, Equius, mew're supposed to help me with romantic purroblems!"

"D--> I am helping, by blocking you from-"

":33< blocking isn't helping! Blocking me from all romance when I need help with it is like... It's like..." She gesticulated wildly. ":33< I can't think of a good metafur!"

Equius crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow.

":33< look, we can talk about this later, can we just enjoy a mewvie right meow?"

"D--> Fine. But I'm watching you, young lady."

He turned back around, grabbing some popcorn from his sylladex, while Nepeta walked back to where Eridan was sitting. Seeing her, he quickly hid whatever he had brought behind his back again.

"Hey"

":33< hi" she said, a hint of anger in her voice.

"Equius givving you trouble?"

":33< yeah."

"Wwhat about?"

':33< um... Purrsonal mewrail business." She straightened up in her seat. Eridan didn't actually know Equius was getting between them on purpose, Nepeta hadn't told him and had sworn Equius to secrecy. Eridan was still unclear regarding Nepeta's feelings towards him, and he just assumed Equius was well meaning, but kind of a clingy moirail.

In an attempt to change the subject, Nepeta shifted focus to whatever was behind Eridan's back.

":33< what do you have there?"

Eridan's expression changed from a concerned frown to a wicked smile. Out from behind his back, he pulled a DVD case with a picture of a garish CGI dog on the cover.

"Foodfight!"

Nepeta physically recoiled upon seeing the cover.

":33< how did you get a copy? I thought they were all burned as a threat to common decency!"

"Sevveral black market deals, I think I owwe a guy sopor slime noww, but I got it!"

":33< why would you do this to yourself?"

Eridan laughed. "I had to one up you for last time, didn't I?"

This was an in-joke they had between themselves. Every movie night, each of them would bring a terrible movie to watch, and the other would swear to bring a worse one as vengeance. Equius, of course, refused to join in and brought Muscle Pictures or Hoofbeast Films, which always caused Eridan to excuse himself to the bathroom to avoid having to see another horse penis.

Eridan popped the disc into the DVD player, and the movie began. Sitting down next to Nepeta, he looked out of the corner of his eye at her sitting next to him. He could hear her breathing in and out, and she was close enough that he could feel a faint warmth from her body heat. Eridan decided to pull the classic trick he had seen in every romance movie probably ever.

He yawned, reaching up his arms and planning to put one over Nepeta's shoulder. Nepeta saw him yawning, saw immediately what he was trying to do, and leaned slightly into him. Her shoulder was about to touch his side when-

"D--> The kernels are finished!" Equius yelled. Nepeta jumped up, surprised, and Eridan choked on his fake yawn.

"D--> make room for me." Equius said, driving himself between them to form a blockade of sorts. Eridan scooched away from him, clearly uncomfortable, and Nepeta covertly kicked him in the shin.

Eridan groaned under his breath, shifting his focus to the terrible movie in front of him.

*~=----------=~*

Fifteen minutes into the movie and Eridan was miserable. Instead of sitting with a cute girl and making fun of a bad movie, he was forced to sit next to a gross guy who kept getting sweat all over the popcorn, which sucked all of the ironic enjoyment out of watching the terrible film. Nepeta wasn't feeling too hot either, and the more she thought about Equius getting in the way of their relationship, the more angry she got. After a while, she stood up.

":33< I need to check something. Equius, can you come with me?"

Equius stood up, a look of slight suspicion crossing his face.

"D--> of course."

"Uh... Do you wwant me to...?" Eridan held up the remote.

":33< that's okay, you don't have to pawse."

"Alright."

Nepeta walked up the stairs to her room, Equius following behind. She got to her room, held the door open so that Equius could walk through, then closed it behind them.

":33< Equius, I'm upset with mew."

"D--> is this about the violetb100d again?"

":33< what else would it be about!? Also, his name's Eridan, not 'the violetblood.'"

"D--> look, he has a history of not liking lowb100ds, okay? I'm just looking out for you."

":33< what, all those 'genocide attempts'? Those are all empty threats. Like how I always say I'm going to claw that clown asshole in the face but then I never do."

"D--> the point is, he's not safe, and you should avoid-"

Nepeta room a step back, growling. ":33< I'm not going to avoid him, okay!? I lo-" she hesitated before pressing on. ":33< I love him. And he's acting a lot happier around me, and I'm not going to stop, so you should back off!"

Equius stood, agressive, but thinking out his next move. Finally, he said "D--> I was... Not aware your feelings for him were this STRONG." He sat down on Nepeta's recuperacoon in a defeated pose. "D--> you know I just want you to be safe, right?"

":33< yeah, I know."

He looked up, cracking a hesitant smile.

"D--> I'll let you persue him."

Nepeta smiled. ":33< thanks, meowrail."

"D--> BUT! I'll want to be kept updated. I still don't entirely trust him."

":33< You got it."

Equius stood up, stretching. "D--> You go down there with him. I'll be down in a few minutes."

Nepeta began to walk down the stairs.

"D--> wait!"

She turned.

"D--> where do you keep your towels?"

*~=----------=~*

":33< hello again, Eridan."

Eridan looked up from the synopsis on the back of the DVD case. "Oh hey. You missed the bit with the space Nazis and the ugly baby."

Nepeta stared blankly at him before turning to the screen and seeing that there were indeed space Nazis and an ugly baby on the screen.

":33< weird ass mewvie" she whispered under her breath. Eridan let out a chuckle and parted the couch next to him.

"C'mon, sit down. The rest of the movvie is just as shitty"

":33< i sure hope it is, h33h33!" She sat down next to Eridan and, to his surprise, draped his arm over her shoulders for him. He stuttered, but then realizing that he had now reached his goal of having his arm around her (!!!), He decided to not complain and enjoy the moment. Nepeta was warm against him, letting out a purr as he petted her shoulder.

"Oh fuck" he said, hearing Equius tromp down the stairs. He took his arm off Nepeta but, to his confusion, Equius ignored them, sat on the opposite side of the couch, and focused on the movie. His focus didn't last very long, though, as he grimaced at the screen, repulsed and confused.

"D--> what the-"

The baby came onscreen again, and Equius yelped before standing up.

"D--> I have to leave. I cannot spend anymore time in the room with-" he looked at the TV, yelped again, and strode hurriedly out the door.

"..."

":33< ..."

They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

":33< he's my moirail.... I shouldn't make fun but..... Pffffhahahahaha!"

"Heheh. Yeah." He once again draped his arm across Nepeta's shoulders, listening to her purr and sighing happily.


	9. Catnip and Stargazing

It was a hot summer night, or the Alternian equivalent at least, and Eridan was lying back in his chair and looking up at the ceiling, thinking about life and stuff. He was giving Feferi hunting lessons so that she could feed gl'bgolyb herself, and she had taken Eridan's lusus and steed to try it out herself. Nepeta was coming over, and Eridan was waiting with a smile on his face.

A cool breeze blew through the wrecked ship that formed his hive, and Eridan heard the telltale "chunk" of a rowboat hitting the shore. A playful tap sounded from the door, and Eridan strode over to open it.

":33< hello!" Nepeta smiled and gave a little wave, leaning against the doorframe. ":33< why is your place to hard to get to?"

"I don't knoww, I didn't crash the ship here!"

":33< yeah, well, you chose to live in it!" She walked in, looking at Eridan's cramped collection of magic shit and guns. Not able to think of anything, she simply said ":33< nice place," and left it at that.

"Yeah, sorry it's kind of a mess. I didn't really havve time to clean."

":33< no pawblem." She looked at a paper with a scrawled blueprint and "doomsday devvice!" written on it in almost illegible handwriting. ":33< OwO, what's this?"

"Wwh- wwhy did you say OwwO?"

":33< Oblickatory cat pun. Also, please nefur say 'OwwO' again please."

"Yeah I didn't like it either. But yeah, no that wwas from back wwhen I wwas tryin to kill all the landdwwellers, back when I hated them." 

":33< i thought you still did?"

"Wwell, i-" he stopped to think. He hadn't... Stopped wanting to exterminate them but... No, he supposed he had, but the change had been so gradual he hadn't noticed! "Huh. Yeah no not anymore."

":33< cool." She looked around, shifting her weight awkwardly from one foot to the other.

"Um... Wwhat should wwe uh..." He snapped his fingers, trying to remember a question that had just left his mind. "Do you wwanna get, like a movvie or..."

":33< do you have a grrill? I have some leftover cholerbear meat if you wanna do like a barbecute or something."

"Oh, I might, yeah. Wwe could set it up on the deck!"

";33< grreat! I'll get the meat ready!"

Eridan dug around in the back of his deep closet and captchalogued his grill, while Nepeta took some pieces of meat from her sylladex. They both climbed up some rickety stairs to the deck of Eridan's boat-hive, and began to set up.

"Alrighty, the grill's wwarming up!"

":33< I got the steaks!" She held up two steaks from her sylladex.

"Cool, cool." Eridan kept a straight face, but when he turned around to face the grill, he whispered "ey t-bone Louie!" under his breath.

Nepeta snickered. ":33< are we bringing that back?"

"It wwas fun, but wwhat would wwe do noww that t-bone louie's dead?"

":33< I was thinking maybe a purrequel? We could introduce more chararacters as well!"

They talked back and forth like this, making up lore and a world for their imagined gang of meat thugs, The Steak Crew. Eventually they had a full world revolving around them, with two new main characters bringing the number of gang members up to four. They were Steaky Sam, the agressive leader of the bunch, Danny Deepfry (formerly T-Bone Louie), the calm, levelheaded one, Charlie Deviledham, absentminded demolitionist, and Ham Bacon, a muscular thug. Together they fought The Bacon Kings, a rival group of idiots who, due to one of Nepeta's purposefully ridiculous suggestions, all had weird fucked up space-time manipulation powers.

":33< meow're we gonna think up powers for fift33n whole gang members?"

"Wwell they don't havve to be time travvel related...?"

":33< what do you mean?"

"Wwe could givve one... I dunno, luck powwers"

":33< eh. Good as any of my ideas."

"Yeah."

Having finished their steak, they put their plates to one side.

":33< oh hold on, I almost furgot but I brought something..." She pulled out a paper bag, the one from her fridge labeled "Nep's Nip ;33"

"Nep's ni-" he recoiled back. In a frightened hiss, he asked "is that a bag of nipples!?"

":33< WHAT!?" No! It's catnip!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.... That makes more sense." He blushed. "Does it- is it like-"

":33< Mewrijuanya? I don't think so, I've never tried it before. Catnip though-" she smiled mischievously. ";33< it's gooood."

"Heh..." Eridan looked at the bag, considering. "Ah wwhat the hell, let's go"

":33< Yaaaay!"

"Hmm..." He looked at the bag again. "Howw exactly do you... Like do you smoke it or..."

":33< mhm! At least, that's how I do it. There might be other ways."

"... Alright. I'll go look for a lighter or somethin." He climbed down the stairs to his room.

*~=----------=~*

About an hour later, they were lying on the deck, smoke rising gently above them, and looking at the stars.

":33< what do you think... About the moon?"

"Wwhich one?"

":33< the gr33n one" she said, pointing to the moon in question.

"'s really pretty. I alwways liked green things."

Nepeta smiled, ";33< I'm a gr33n thing." She giggled

"Wwell uhhh. You're pretty... Heh..."

":33< h33h33" she tilted her head, and her horn clacked against Eridan's causing them both to shiver. ":33< sorry!"

"'s okay." He looked back at the moon. "Y' evver hear the legend of the wwhite guy on the moon?"

":33< i don't think so?"

"Supposedly he manipulates evvents so that he dies just before the univverse ends."

Nepeta turned her head to face Eridan. ":33< do you think the mewniverse will actually end someday?"

Eridan turned his head to look at Nepeta. "Maybe. Probably not for a wwhile, though." He thought about the Alternian legends regarding the end of the universe, but not turning his head back to the sky.

Nepeta thought as well, about the universe, and the man on the moon, and both of them came to realize at roughly the same time, that both of them had been staring into each other's eyes for about five minutes.

Neither of them looked away, and each saw a spark in the other's eye that made them both want to get closer. They became aware of each other's breathing, and that they were breathing at the same speed. They each heard a heartbeat, and wether it was their own or the other's, they couldn't tell. Eventually, they had gotten so close together that the tips of their noses touched, and then, their heads tilting and their eyes closing, their lips met.

They stayed like this for a while, Lips together in each other's arms, before they both opened their eyes.

"O- oh my gog. I- I mean im- that wwas- uh, i- uh."

Eridan stuttered, until Nepeta put a finger to his lips.

":33< shhhh." She moved her face in close to his. ":33< I know."

They kissed again, and Eridan smiled, sighing happily into Nepeta's mouth.


	10. The tenth chapter

\--arsenicCatnip has begun trolling caligulasAquarium at 2:13 am--

AC: :33< *ac sneaks up behind Eridan and puts her paws over his eyes* guess who! :33

CA: wwhy wwhoevver could that be

CA: ok I havve a guess

CA: troll wwill smith

AC: :33< h33h33, no silly! It's me!

CA: wwell isnt my face purple

CA: wwhats up

AC: :33< oh mew know

AC: :33< just lying around the hive 

AC: :33< texting my totally pawesome matesprit :33

CA: oh my gog nep youll nevver believve it im doin the exact same thing

AC: :33< mrow :OO

CA: crazy right

AC: :33< h33h33

CA: sigh...

AC: :33< what's wrong?

CA: yknoww...

CA: moirail stuff

CA: fef and I are breakin up on account of she can hunt food by herself and I'm no longer interested in tryin to genocide all the lowwbloods

AC: :33< that sucks

AC: :33< f

CA: yea

CA: I shouldn't be botherin you wwith this

AC: :33< nyalright well

AC: I'll see mew at our next mewvie night!

CA: lookin forwward to it

\--caligulasAquarium has ceased trolling arsenicCatnip at 2:30 am--

*~=----------=~*

Eridan sighed. His pale breakup had just been made official and his romantic life was more of a mess than ever. He was no longer moirails with Feferi, that was simple enough, if not saddening. He was matesprits with Nepeta but that was a little more confusing. They both talked often, smiling when they saw each other, but Nepeta hadn't told him that she loved him yet and... Well... He was scared to make himself vulnerable. He knew he loved her but... What if he was moving too fast? What if Nepeta got scared or something and ran away from him like...

"Like evveryone else..." he said to himself, watching Feferi swim away into the deep ocean.

He snapped himself out of it. He was being ridiculous, Nepeta was his matesprit! They had been dating for a while. Still slightly nervous, and sad from watching Feferi leave, he walked back into his hive.

*~=----------=~*

\--arsenicCatnip has begun trolling centaursTesticle at 5:21 am--

AC: :33< hello, mewrail!

CT: D--> hello, nepeta.

CT: D--> I assume this is another of your relationship updates regarding you and the violetb100d?

AC: :33< yes, but please just call him eridan

CT: D--> no, I don't believe I will.

CT: D--> now what has happened in the past week

AC: :33< I'm happy to repawrt that we've gone on two dates!

CT: D--> e%cellent. Has he tried to get you to do anything you didn't want to do?

AC: :33< nope!

CT: D--> any disagreements?

AC: :33< no?

CT: D--> drat

AC: :33< everything's going supurrbly! And I'm another step closer to having two palemates!

CT: D--> what

AC: :33< or rather, a palemate...

AC: ;33< and a pailmate

CT: GASP

CT: D--> NEPETA DO NOT EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT 100D KIND OF THING I AM NOT EVEN JOKING

AC: :33< h33h33, relax! We haven't done anything like that.

CT: D--> good

AC: ;33< yet

CT: D--> grumble

\--centaursTesticle has ceased trolling arsenicCatnip at 5:38 am--

*~=----------=~

Nepeta smiled. She had eaten dinner, messed with Equius and made an exceptionally bad pun. Life was good. Her thoughts drifted from her indigo moirail to her violet matesprit. She smiled, imagining herself and Eridan making out and staring into each other's eyes and stuff like that. He was a sweet guy, a little harsh at times but very caring. She was worried though, neither of them had told the other that they loved each other yet, even though she was sure they both did. Sighing, she saw the sun begin to rise over the hills out of her window. She went to her recuperacoon, thinking of Eridan. Tonight, she hoped she's dream of him.


	11. Uh oh! Smut chapter!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yea this chapter contains sexual content so just he warned also regarding the troll peepee headcanons I think the way it's structured means it can resemble human dicc or tentacle dicc based entirely on how horny I am at any given time

Eridan woke up in his recuperacoon. Groggy, he climbed out and looked around. He noticed the telltale not-quite-reality surreal feeling that tipped him off that he was dreaming. He also noticed that his room was a lot purplier than before. Exiting his recuperacoon, he moved to the window.

He looked out over a purple cityscape. In one direction, floating in the sky, was a line of meteors, and far off behind that was a pinprick of warm, blue light, resembling a tiny dot of blue sky. In the other direction was pure, deep jet-black, and a horrid whispering. Directly overhead was a set of free-floating letters reading "DERSE".

Eridan began to float. Wait... Float? He looked down and saw that he was indeed floating. He chuckled and began to fly out over the dark city. Seeing a tall, thin tower with a purple orb on top, he decided to investigate.

*~=----------=~*

Nepeta woke up, perplexed. Rubbing an eye, she looked around her room, which was now purple do some reason. ":33< am I dreaming?" she asked herself and, the moment she said it, realized that she was.

She smiled, remembering what she had been thinking of before she went to sleep. She had thought of Eridan, imagining them together when her thoughts had turned... More romantic. She blushed, before noticing something in the window and yelping. Eridan was outside her window, giving a friendly wave.

Nepeta backed up to her recuperacoon, taking stock of her situation. She was asleep and dreaming, she was very horny, and Eridan had just appeared...

Oh, she thought, smirking. This must be one of /those/ dreams.

She walked over as Eridan climbed through the window. ";33< hello, Eridan," she said, pulling him close.

"Oh- hey Nep." He blushed. "Wwhatre you..." He trailed off as Nepeta shoved her hand under the waistband of his pants and began to feel his crotch.

Oh, he thought, blushing. This must be one of /those/ dreams.

Letting out a noise that was somewhere between a sigh and a nervous chuckle, he slipped a hand under the hem of Nepeta's shirt and slid it up, feeling her shiver at his touch. His hand reached her chest, and she made a surprised moan.

Kissing Eridan, Nepeta used the hand that was in his pants to pull them down, revealing his bulge. She removed his hand from it's position on her breast and lowered herself to her knees.

Eridan stood, blushing. He... was about to have sex. He's never pailed before, or done anything of the sort. He had always assumed that he'd know what to do when the time came, but not that the time was here, he did not at all. He supposed he'd just follow Nepeta's lead and ohhhhhhhkay she was sucking his dick.

His face turned bright violet. What should he do. Sh- should he- thrust? That seemed... Not the best idea. Should he take control of the situation? Or... Nepeta seemed to know what she was doing, he should just let her keep going. Why was he even worried, this was a dream! It wasn't like this was the real Nepeta.

Nepeta panted. Eridan's bulge was... It has an intoxicating taste and... scent? She wasn't sure how she could describe it, but it was nice. She looked up at Eridan, seeing him let out a moan as she moved her tonuge along his cock. She then pulled back, letting it droop out of her mouth, and stood up. Wrapping her arms right around dream-Eridan, she kissed him. Feeling his bulge poking between her legs, she laughed and led him to her recuperacoon.

Eridan sighed happily as Nepeta pushed on his chest, making him sit down on her recuperacoon. Smiling wickedly, she guided his hand back to the hem of her shirt, and began to pull Eridan's off of him. Chuckling, he pulled her shirt over her head, revealing her bare torso. He stared for a moment, then snapped out of it and kicked his pants off from around his ankles while Nepeta took off her skirt. They were now both completely nude.

Nepeta pounced on Eridan, pinning him to the recuperacoon. He let out a startled moan. Nepeta smirked and pressed her body against his.

";33< you're enjoying this, aren't mew?" She brushed her thigh against his cock.

"Y-yeah wwell uhh... Heh." he mumbled, blushing profusely.

For a dream, the version of Eridan her brain had managed to think up was incredibly realistic.

";33< well you haven't even gotten the best part yet."

With one hand, she steadied herself using Eridan's shoulder and with the other, she positioned the tip of his cock at the entrance to her nook.

":33< are mew ready?"

"Heh... I uh... I- " he wiped his forehead.

":33< hmm?"

" I'm eh... Uh... Kind of expectin you to uh...." He made a gesture that didn't seem to have any meaning. "Ivve kinda been expectin you to make a 'pussy' pun? Like it's stupi-"

Nepeta laughed and pushed herself into his cock.

Eridan moaned. He couldn't help it, it was a combination of the feeling, more intense than he'd imagined and the unexpectedness of what she had done.

";33< how's my pussy, Eridan?" she asked sarcastically.

"Guhhuuuuuhhhhhh........" he moaned in response.

":33< h33h33!" She began to bounce up and down, letting out gasps and moans accordingly. Soon Eridan got into the rhythm of things, giving gentle thrusts when Nepeta pushed herself down. Like this, they slowly began to move faster, and push into each other harder, and eventually Nepeta's moans were rising exponentially in pitch and volume. Just before the climax, Eridan said something.

"Ghhhh- Nep- i lovve you!"

Nepeta kisses him as her pleasure reaches a crescendo.

":33< I love mew too-"

They both came. Collapsing onto each other, they lay, panting.

"I... That wwas..."

":33< I... I know."

They both gazed into each other's unfocused eyes.

"I... I really do love you."

":33< I love you too. Really."

They both lay together, in their minds resolving to tell the "real" versions of each other as soon as they woke up. In fact, it was probably around time to wake up anyway, and Nepeta could swear she heard her alarm clock.

She vanished in a flash of light, and her clothes disappeared from the floor. Eridan jumped back, then checked her recuperacoon. Dream-Nepeta was asleep, her clothes back on. Eridan smiled, watching her do the same in her sleep, before zapping back to his tower as he woke up.

*~=----------=~*

And so they continued dating. Eridan and Nepeta both told each other they loved them as soon as they woke up. During the day, they went on dates, watched movies, and never went farther than kissing to keep Equius off their backs, but at night, when they fell asleep, they would meet, have sex, and hang out/make out afterwards until they woke up, both believing the other was a dream hallucination, not their real matesprit. And like that it went until a week before their mutual friend Karkat's 6th wriggling day...


	12. Talking about romance and being generally adorable

It was a warm night, and Eridan and Nepeta were lying together on Nepeta's couch. Their friend Sollux was planning to have them play a video game, and he had sent out a what-you-need-to-know guide beforehand. Eridan and Nepeta were flipping through it at random, reading the things that sounded interesting and generally just not taking it too seriously.

"I just dont knoww wwhy hes actin like it's all real, hes goin wway ovverboard wwith the 'immersion' or wwhatevver."

":33< I think it's nice!" She scooched up and looked over his shoulder. ":33< he has a talent for rp worldbuilding"

"I suppose" he flipped to a random page. "Oh here's somethin. 'que2t cocoon2. A que2t cocoon iis-'"

":33< don't make fun of his lisp!'

"Oh alright. *Ahem* 'a quest cocoon is a legendary location on your planet-' wwe get planets? Musta skipped that page. Ok uh, 'it is activvated wwhen you, the player-'"

":33< hey this is boring"

"Yeah I'll skip to a different part." He flipped through the book, pausing momentarily when the word "derse" caught his eye. He felt like he recognized it, but couldn't tell from where. "Oh here's something. 'derse is one of the twwo kingdoms at wwar on skaia. It is a kingdom wwhere half of us, the players, wwake up wwhen wwe fall aslee......'" he trailed off as both of them realized the same thing at the same time. For a while they stood frozen, mentally processing.

":||< ...Uh oh."

*~=----------=~*

They went back to reading, but every time they looked at each other they would blush and look away. Eventually they both went to different rooms for a while. Eridan was lying on the couch, staring into space and rethinking life, when Nepeta knocked on the doorframe and entered the room.

"://< So derse huh?"

Eridan blushed, not moving his gaze from the ceiling. "Yep."

Nepeta sat down. "://< We should purrobably talk about this, right?"

"I'd rather avvoid dying of embarrassment."

"://< Well, you know I'm in the exact same situation, if it's any consolation."

Eridan sat up.

"Just like..." He thought. "I'd I'd havve known that wwas the real you I wwoulda..." 

":33< not pailed with me?"

He blushed. "Wwell fuckin- yeah!" He put his face in his hands. "I'm so embarrassed."

":33< well don't worry. You did, it's behind us, I'm fine with it, you were obviously fine with it." She made a lewd smirk that made Eridan look away. ";33< And you have to admit, it was good."

"Wwell I..." He sighed. "I wwanted it to be... Special, you knoww? Not a fuckin space-moon wwet dream."

":33< I think it was special."

"Really?"

":33< yes. We both wanted to, we both did, and it was nice. It was our first time, of course it's special! Besides, that was when we told each other we really really loved each other!" She hugged him. ":33< now stop being so dramatic and let's go to sleep. We have a big day coming up!"

"Wwhat?" He may a confused expression, then glanced at the guidebook lying on the table. "Oh yeah! Wwe should go to sleep." He began to pack up and get ready to go.

":33< maybe we could watch a quick couple episodes of troll The Office before the sun rises?"

"Wwell i gotta go, I need to be back home before the sun rises..."

";33< right, we wouldn't want you to have to stay here and sleep in my recuperacoon." She raised her eyebrows.

"Wwha- ohhhhhhhhh." He smiled. "Wwell i suppose there's time for an episode or twwo."

":33< excellent." She moved to pop the disc in, then stood back up. ";33< actually, I don't really want to watch it. Let's just go to sleep now."

"Wwell, if you insist." They took each others hands and smiled before walking up to Nepeta's room and closing the door.


	13. U H O H ! S G R U B !

\--arsenicCatnip has begun trolling caligulasAquarium at 6:12 pm--

AC: :33< *ac snuggles up to her mewtesprit and gives him a furiendly yet concerned look*

AC: :33< Eridan, there's been a change of plans. A lot of things are happawning last-minute but Aradia is going to be purringing me in and I'm going to help Tavros.

CA: wwait wwhat

CA: if you're not my chain connector dealie then wwhos droppin all these machines in my fuckin hivve

AC: :33< I think vwiskers?

AC: :33< wait, no, I think it's Kanaya.

CA: aww fuck okay hold on

\--caligulasAquarium is now an idle troll!--

AC: :33< let me know if anything happens!

AC: :33< ...

AC: ://< Eridan?

CA: somethin came up cant type I'll be back in a moment

\--caligulasAquarium has ceased trolling arsenicCatnip at 6:20 pm--

AC: :||< thats worrying

*~=----------=~*

Eridan looked around. He blinked, confused. Where was he? Obviously he was standing in his hive, that hadn't changed, but the view from his window...

Outside was what looked like a church, completely in greyscale. A birdlike figure made of pure light glided overhead. Stepping outside, Eridan eyed it with caution. He noticed another wall opposite the church, and realized he was in a massive courtyard. He decided to climb the bell tower to get a bird's-eye view, and maybe see what the bright flying thing was.

Halfway up the tower, he realized he had to get back to Nepeta. Pulling out his palmhusk, he checked his trollian.

AC: :((< Eridan are you there

AC: :((< I'm scared please respawnd

CA: oh sorry I gavve you a scare there

CA: im fine dont wworry

AC: :33< phew!

AC: :33< what happened?

CA: wwell there wwas a meteor headed for my hivve

CA: but I got teleported awway or somethin

CA: noww I'm in this weird church

AC: :33< church?

CA: yeah like the purplebloods get drunk in

CA: holy shit I just reached the top

CA: it goes on for miles

AC: :33< wow!

AC: :33< you better get expurrling then!

CA: alright

CA: see you later nep

AC: :33< <3

CA: <3

*~=----------=~*

And so, far later...

*~=----------=~*

\--arsenicCatnip has begun trolling caligulasAquarium at 4:13 pm--

AC: :33< *ac nyarvously approaches Eridan* Eridan I heard you were going to try and fight sollux on LowoBaF and I'm worried, is that true?

CA: lowwwwhatnow

CA: oh lobaf

CA: wwell yeah I wwas gonna

CA: wwhy?

AC: :33< *ac furantically blocks her meowtesprits path* Eridan I can't let you do that! You might get hurt!

CA: I gotta! That asshole makes my fuckin blood boil I swwear to fuck

AC: :33< no! You could die Eridan! I'm putting my foot down!

CA: fine

CA: but only because youre so wworried

AC: :33< <3

CA: <3

*~=----------=~*

And then even later...

*~=----------=~*

With a scream, the scepter held by the hulking figure looming over them shattered, with Vriska having flown completely through. Eridan panted, as he watched the cerulean stab the now significantly smaller and weaker black king and drop him to the ground far below. Sitting back, he processed the collosal battle that had just taken place, when he was called by a voice.

"D--> Eridan, I believe you should take a 100k at this."

He walked over to Equius.

"Wwhats the prob.... Oh."

Nepeta lay on the ground, her arm bent at an unnatural angle.

"Oh my god! Are you okay!?'

":33< im fine! I just uhhhh..." She looked at her elbow. ":33< broke my arm. Okay, that is bad, but I'm not gonna die or anything!"

Eridan sighed. This was terrible obviously, but not as bad as it could be.

"Wwe can get you some medical attention as soon as wwe get to the neww univverse."

"D--> i will help her up. No need to worry."

Eridan looked at Nepeta again.

"Let's go claim our rewward"

They both smiled at the same time.

*~=----------=~*

All of the trolls stood on a platform shaped like a lilypad. A giant blue hive shape, segmented into twelve pieces, stood with them. They all stood with bated breath as Karkat reached for the doorknob. A small zap of electricity crackled between the doorknob and his hand.

SHWIINNNNGGG!

"WHAT THE F-"

"Son of a 8itch!"

"WhAt ThE mOtHeRfUcK"

"running pr0tecti0n pr0t0c0l"

Vwoom.

ZAP.

WHHOOOSSHHHHHH.

Crackle!

...

"WELL WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE NOW!?"

*~=----------=~*

\--arsenicCatnip has begun trolling turntechGodhead at 2:13 pm--

AC: :33< hello?

TG: yo who the fuck

TG: aw damn are you another one of those trolls

TG: ive already told grey screamy dude I'm not interested in buying your bucket grubs

TG: just give me the virus link or whatever and get out

AC: :33< I'm not going to give mew a virus, h33h33

TG: aw damn i was hoping youd finally be the one to type normally

TG: although i guess the angry caterpillar or whatever the fuck you put in front of all your sentences should have tipped me off

AC: :33< it's a smile :33

AC: :33< also, I'll let mew go because you purrobably didn't know this, but the phrase "bucket grubs" is not furry socially acceptable where I come furom.

TG: yeah no i figured that out a while ago come on this is getting people to leave you alone online 101 get your head in the game

AC: :33< alright, I'll leave you alone, but I have one question fur you

AC: :33< are you in the game yet?

TG: what game

TG: nah psyche lmao i know exactly the game you're talking about 

TG: and frankly what other game could it be it teleported me to the middle of a fuckin lava lake that strikes me as pretty noteworthy

TG: hold up somethings happening

\--turntechGodhead is now an idle chum!--

TG: aight im back

TG: it was me from the future he told me the timelines fucked or something

TG: honestly makes sense cause ive been feeling mad disconnected from reality lately

TG: like a fuckin weird trip or an out of body experience

TG: anyway where was i

TG: oh yeah

TG: yes I've entered the game why

AC: ://< ://

TG: why does your emoticon have two mouths now

TG: wait has it always been like that

TG: so it has ill be damned

AC: :33< I'm gonna leave now

TG: cool

TG: wait though

TG: future mes back

TG: actually wait its a different me from like farther in the future or something his legs broken

TG: he says to tell you to watch out for the hobo

TG: holy shit he fucking died

AC: :||< :||

TG: wow thats gonna haunt me for life

TG: and i know exactly when and how itll stop haunting me cause I won't be alive anymore

TG: im gonna leave before reality sets in and i have an existential crisis ttyl

AC: ://< what

TG: alright later

\--turntechGodhead has ceased pestering arsenicCatnip at 2:45 pm--

AC: ://< what


	14. On the meteor

Deep in a back room on the meteor, behind a pile of discarded electronics, Eridan and Nepeta had lost track of time as they kissed, a bucket near them on the floor. they had arrived a while ago after a black dog with glowing wings and a sword through it's chest had appeared and attacked them. One of the Aradiabots had a thrown them through a transportalizer, and they showed up in the middle of a room filled with computers. A few things happened after that, mostly a blur, and the pair of matesprits had retreated to the storage room.

":33< phew!" Nepeta said. ";33< that was fun"

"Yeah... Heh..." Eridan said, blushing profusely. "You're... Ahem... Really good."

";33< I know. You've told me."

"Heh."

Nepeta snuggled up to him, then winced as she nudged her arm wrong.

"Are you okay?"

"://< I'm fine, I just haven't healed all the way."

"Wwhy didn't you use any sopor?"

":33< I was, and I almost healed furly, but gamz33 took the last of it to make another one of his pies while I wasn't looking."

"Damn. Howw much time do you think you'll havve till you're completely wwell again?"

":33< purrobably about thr33 days. Give or take."

Eridan sighed and put his arm around her, careful not to jostle her arm.

"I could try to find some more, if you need."

":33< theres none left. Gamz33 said so himself, 'hey yo kitty brosephine you done with that wicked healslime cause I got that mad cravin and you got the last slice buaaagghhh I'm a stoner'"

"I'm assuming you're paraphrasin?"

":33< only that last bit, h33h33"

A honk echoed in the distance.

"Sounds like he finished that pie."

":33< oh yeah, this was hours ago. That pie's long gone."

They snuggled up together, and eventually fell asleep.

*~=----------=~*

Out of nowhere, both of them were jostled awake. Equius was standing above them. They both glanced up nervously. He'd caught them, the bucket was in plain sight, the jig was up.

"Um..." Eridan chuckled nervously. " Wwe can expla-?"

"D--> there's no time, we must evacuate immidiately."

They both looked up, confused. He... wasn't angry? He caught their expressions and looked back to the bucket as he hauled them up.

"D--> trust me, I am e%tremely upset with you, but this is much more urgent and we need to leave."

":33< Equius, you're scaring us! What's happawning!?"

"D--> the purpleb100d has gone mad from sopor withdrawal. Karkat has requested that I gather as many people as I can before going to confront him, and you two were the only ones I could find."

"Wwhat!?" Eridan yelled skidding around a corner. "He's gone mad? Is he-"

"D--> SHH!"

He pulled Eridan back into a darkened doorway and kept a hand over his mouth.

"D--> be... e%tremely... still."

They heard a series of footsteps drawing closer, and someone muttering to themselves.

"Crazy 8astard... I'll get him. Easily!!!!!!!! Then everyone will see I'm capa8le of taking him down, and they'll follow me to confront ja-"

"taking who down sister?"

A yelp.

"You!!!!!!!!"

"ME."

"You motherfucker. You killed Feferi!!!!!!!"

'Fef's dead?' Eridan thought. He wasn't moirails with her anymore, sure, but he was still devastated. She was still his friend!

"And Sollux!!!!!!!!"

Sollux too!? But... Actually Eridan didn't like Sollux. At all. He was neutral on Sollux's death.

"that i did my wicked sister."

"BUT YOU KNOW WHAT"

"you know motherfuckin what"

"IM NOT MAD"

"they was all up and using my horn pile"

"MY MOTHERFUCKIN HORN PILE"

"for their nasty moirail biz"

"Well........" Vriska's voice hesitated, she was clearly not masking her fear as well as before. "I'm gonna take you down!!!!!!!!"

"HA HA HA!"

"sure"

"SURE MY WICKED SISTER"

"but actually"

"MOTHERFUCKIN ACTUALLY"

"check this yo"

A pause.

"Y- you"

"YEP"

"i got your blind sis too"

"N-" her voice cracked "No!!!!!!!!"

"YES MY WICKED SIS"

struggling.

"No!!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!! Help!!!!!!!!"

"no help for you, sis"

"Please!!!!!!!! Sto-"

The three hiding in the doorway recoiled as the wall across from them suddenly became splattered with blue.

A laugh.

Footsteps fading away.

All of them stared. Vriska had just been murdered, not ten feet away. Gamzee was close enough that they could still smell his sugary stench. All of them wanted to stare in shock, but Gamzee was still close. Equius pulled them into the doorway and, as quietly as he could, locked it behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadstuck incoming gamers


	15. Sadstucc??? In my fic??? It's more likely than you think.

Equius led them into a side room, with one of Nepeta's paint kits and some assorted piles of teapots and string.

"D--> you two stay here while I search for the highb100d" he said. "D--> if you leave this room you will be in e%treme danger, so stay put."

":33< but what about mew, Equius?'

"D--> Fret not, Nepeta. I don't doubt that I am STRONG enough to fight him."

":33< okay... Well. Purrlease be safe. For me?"

"D--> of course."

He opened the door, then turned to face them.

"D--> don't think you're off the hook for your 100d behavior, either."

"Wwe knoww, wwell talk about that later."

"D--> I do sincerely hope both of you stay safe."

He waved goodbye and closed the door.

*~=----------=~*

":((< I'm scared."

They were huddled together in the corner of the storage room. It made them both feel safer, even though they were pretty safe already. Occasionally though, they would hear a honk echo through the halls, and each made them more and more paranoid.

"I am too. Wwell be fine. Equius can take him."

":((< But what if he can't?"

Eridan sighed. He knew there was definitely a possibility that Equius wouldn't be able to hold him off. He was quite in denial about the whole thing.

":((< I need to make sure he's okay."

"I knoww, but wwe can't leavve or wwell be vvulnerable!"

Nepeta looked around nervously. Her eyes landed on the grate in the corner.

":33< I know! I can check on him through the vents!"

"Wwhat!? Nep, that's unsafe!"

":33< i n33d to do it. I n33d to make sure he's fine. I'll be right back afterwards, don't worry."

Eridan deliberated in his head.

"Fine,.but I'm comin with."

":33< yay! Let's go."

Eridan sighed and followed her into the vent.

*~=----------=~*

It was dark and cramped in the vents. Nepeta crawled, Eridan behind her, up to the first grate she could find.

"Can you see anything?"

"://< Shh! We need to stay quiet" she whispered.

Outside of the grate was a dimly lit hallway. Footsteps in cerulean blood trailed by, and the message "ArE yOu NeXt? :O) was scrawled on the wall, this time in bronze.

":((< He got tavros too!" Nepeta gasped.

"Jegus fuck."

":\\\< Let's k33p going."

They continued down the vent. Nepeta made a signal to pause as she looked through a second vent cover.

More footprints. "MiRaClEs" on the wall in gold. The stench of faygo hung in the air. He was close.

Nepeta began to crawl again. Eridan leaned over to peer through the grate.

CrrrreeeeeeaaaaakkkkCHUNK.

Eridan tumbled to the floor below in a heap, along with a section of vent that had collapsed. Nepeta looked out of the grate in horror. She was about to tell him to stay put, when a honk echoed through the corridor.

Eridan froze, then, as quickly as he could, climbed inside a box and closed the door. Nepeta just saw one of his eyes peeking through a small hole before retreating into the vents. As quietly as she could, she slid to the next vent cover.

There he was. Gamzee, still spattered with Vriska's blue blood. A honk sounded, Nepeta couldn't tell from where.

"oh hey"

"HEY MY BLUE BROTHER"

"hows it hanging"

"YOU POPPIN THE WICKED SHIZZ HOMIE"

"honk"

Equius was standing around thirty feet from Gamzee.

"D--> cease this nonsense at once."

"NO"

"no my highblood brother"

"YOU SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN"

"you take orders from me :o)"

"HONK"

"D--> I have been sent to stop you, and that is what I am going to do." Equius pointed to Gamzee. "D--> stop immediately or I will have to resort to methods I STRONGLY don't want to resort to, for your sake."

"kneel."

"D--> e%cuse me?"

"I SAID KNEEL MOTHERFUCKER"

Gamzee smiled wickedly and drew a bow from his strife specibus.

"D--> n- no. I refuse. I made a promise to Nepeta-"

"she's dead, homie. I got her too."

Nepeta looked on in anger. Gamzee was lying to him! She wanted to jump out and disprove him, attack him, but she couldn't. She would almost certainly die.

"D--> she- no!"

"YES."

"D--> but- she was-"

"didn't i tell you"

"THAT YOU HAD"

"to motherfuckin"

"KNEEL"

An arrow struck Equius' knee at lightning speed. He yelled, lost balance, and dropped to one knee.

"thats better."

Gamzee smirked and slid the bow across the floor to Equius.

"YOU WANNA AVENGE HER!?"

"here's your shot homie."

With rage in his eyes, Equius picked up the bow. Slowly and deliberately, he nocked an arrow. Pulling back, he whispered "for nepeta."

SNAP.

The bow cracked in half under the pressure of his fist.

Gamzee stared. Then giggled. Then laughed. In a fit of hysterics, he bolted across the floor, picked up the bow, and wound the string around Equius' neck, choking him.

"D--> ggghhhhhgggkkk-"

Gamzee pulled it tighter and tighter, Equius' face was slowly turning blue, then-

"Put the boww dowwn."

Gamzee looked up. Eridan was standing at the other end of the corridor, his rifle drawn.

"OH HEY HOMIE" Gamzee said casually, like he wasn't strangling someone to death at that very moment. "how's it hangin, eribro?"

"Put it dowwn!"

"TOUCHY."

Gamzee unwound the bow from Equius' neck, leaving him gasping on the floor.

"Look, youvve killed too many people, you gotta go."

"and why shouldn't i just kill you homedawg?"

"Because you can't. I'm a higher blood caste than you."

"IS THAT SO"

"because from what i recall"

"ALTERNIA IS GONE"

"the hemospectrum don't exist no more homie"

Eridan hesitated.

"Wwell... Nevvertheless, that's my matesprit's moirail, she'd be devvastated if he died."

"OH DIDNT YOU HEAR?"

"i killed her dawg."

"Bullshit. That wwont wwork on me, I knoww she's fine.

Gamzee scowled.

"SO SHED BE DEVASTATED IF HE DIED HUH?"

"Y- yes?"

"what if you died?"

"Wwh-"

With incredible speed, Gamzee ran towards Eridan, who yelped and raised his weapon. Gamzee grabbed it by the barrel, flipped it around, and-

click.

PEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

...

Thud.

Gamzee smirked. His shot had blasted a hole in Eridan, a hole big enough to rip him in half. All that was left were his head and a pair of smoking feet, cut off at the ankle. He kicked the head, then heard an enraged scream.

As he turned around, he got to experience the trippy sensation of still being able to see as a claw pierced his eye, before it shot through his brain and killed him instantly.

*~=----------=~*

A few hours later, some new members had joined the meteor, and footsteps were approaching the corridor.

"...CANT BELIEVE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH TWO BLONDE SMARTASSES INSTEAD OF JUST ONE. ONE I COULD DEAL WITH, BUT TWO!?"

"hey dude i hate to interrupt but who's that over there"

"HUH. LOOKS LIKE ITS NEPETA AND EQUIUS. THEYRE PROBABLY LOOKING AT ONE OF HER IDIOTIC SHIPPING CHARTS AGAIN." Karkat drew closer. "HEY. WHAT ASININE THING ARE YOU..." he stopped.

"...oh"

"oh god."

"whats up dude is she... oh jeez."

"D--> you should leave. Now."

Dave and Karkat left, both haunted by the image of Nepeta sobbing and cradling her matesprit's head in her arms.


	16. Aradia shows up and explains why everything went wrong

"Well, miss Leijon, I don't believe I have to ask for the source of your trauma."

Nepeta was lying on a sofa in a small room, and Rose Lalonde was sitting in a chair next to her writing on a clipboard. Dave had recommended her because 'like shes not a licenced therapist but shes the most qualified out of all of us so.' Nepeta shifted on her couch.

":((< You can say that again."

"So your emotional attachment to Eridan was of a romantic nature, and now that he is gone, you are experiencing typical symptoms of grief."

":((< I'm just..." She sniffed. ":((< I'm never gonna see him again."

"Actually, I have some good news on that front."

Nepeta looked up.

"We are going to be passing through many dream bubbles on our journey to the new session. Dream bubbles are populated by ghosts, so it's possible, and I'm not saying a hundred percent..." She flipped to a new page in her clipboard. "But it's possible that you may be able to see Eridan again."

Nepeta sat up. Eridan was still alive? Well... Not alive, but... She could see him again!

"I recommend you seek advice from your moirail, and in fact, I've been meaning to-"

Suddenly, Aradia appeared in the middle of the office. Not the metallic robot Aradia that had exploded a while earlier, or the transparent ghost Aradia that had entered the session, but a fully alive version of her, now with wings and fancy robes emblazoned with a gear like Dave's. Rose shrieked and Nepeta jumped off her couch.

"oh hey guys!" She smiled broadly. "whats up!"

They both stared at her, stunned.

"alright. hey i need to call a meeting is that okay?"

"Um..."

"nevermind ill ask karkat. meet me in the computer lab in ten minutes!"

She walked out the door.

Rose and Nepeta shared a confused look.

*~=----------=~"

"all right guys good news!" Aradia smiled. "the timelines doomed!"

Mixed confused noises.

"HOW IS THIS GOOD NEWS!?"

Aradia shrugged.

"So Wait What's Going To Happen To Us Now?"

"were just gonna kinda fade out!"

Sounds of existential panic.

"D--> if I may ask, where did we go wrong to lead to the dooming of our timeline?"

"hmm. ill go find out."

She disappeared and then immediately reappeared holding some papers and wearing a new hat.

"alright im back"

She set up an easel and began to explain.

"so what happened was that vriska decided to use an especially cruel insult to eridan. this prompted eridan to bother feferi at a bad time causing her to snap and break up with him. he got sad and came to nepeta who helped stabilize his personality as well as convincing him to not try to kill sollux. because of this eridan no longer contemplated shooting at sollux during a critical part of the battle against the black king which caused him to shoot earlier leading to the black king flinching and hitting the lilypad nepeta was on which caused her to break her arm. she used up the sopor causing gamzee to go crazy earlier and murder more people than he was supposed to and then get murdered. gamzees death was the breaking point for the timeline because he needed to be alive in order to carry out some cryptic duty involving a snake monster and thus doomed the timeline." She smiled again. "isnt the butterfly effect cool!?"

"://< So..." Nepeta looked around. "://< How long do we have?"

"i dunno. like ten minutes probably."

Everyone began to panic. Dave said something about warning his past self the timeline was fucked and disappeared. Nepeta just stood still.

Slowly, he walked up to a roof of the meteor. She looked up at the sky. Already, the far away specks of dreambubbles were beginning to flicker out. Nepeta reached into her captchalouge deck and pulled out Eridan's head. She stated into his dead eyes as the green sun looming behind her popped out existence, plunging them into darkness. She heard footsteps behind her. Equius sat down and put a hand on her shoulder.

"D--> if it's any consolation, you'll be able to see Eridan again soon."

She sighed as she felt the floor underneath them disappear. Equius's calming hand soon left, then Nepeta felt her legs dissolve. Eridan's head faded away, then Nepeta felt herself stop existing.


	17. Epilouge

Nepeta sat up, her head foggy. Where was she? She looked around, seeing a vast expanse of desert. This looked like Tavros' planet. 

She stood up and began to walk. How had she gotten here? She thought Tavros' planet had been destroyed. Yes! They had all been on the meteor, hadn't they? Except... She paused. Hadn't Aradia been gone? But she had a strong memory of seeing her very recently.

Suddenly, she remembered. Yes! She had appeared in front of her in a therapist's office! But why had she been in a therapist's office?

Oh... Yeah.

Frowning, Nepeta continued. She was about to mentally connect some more dots when she saw a muscular sillouhette with a broken horn. Equius! She rushed to meet him.

"D--> Nepeta! I've been 100king for you!" He was wearing a rare smile, and beaming at her through his glasses. But... There was something odd about his glasses. His eyes were milky white instead of yellow, and containing no pupils.

So Equius was dead. How had he died? He had... He had disappeared along with...

":||< Oh." Nepeta said as her eyes went white.

"D--> yes, it is unfortunate." He put a hand on her shoulder. "D--> walk with me, I have something to show you."

They walked in silence for a while. Nepeta was still processing her death and Equius knew not to disturb her. Eventually they reached a tall, grey bell tower. Nepeta began to climb.

Reaching the top, she found him, dangling his legs over the edge, scarf blowing in the wind.

She gasped and, without a word, hugged him from behind.

There was silence for a while.

Eventually he spoke.

"Hey, catgirl."

Nepeta smiled as a year ran down her cheek.

":,33< Hey."

"I savved you some cholerbear steak."

They ate and cried together as they overlooked the scenery together.

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will come soonish probably


End file.
